Women in their 50s and 60s might look at today's younger women and see a group living very differently than they did at the same age. Journalist Peggy Orenstein, however, wonders how much has truly changed.
Orenstein, author of "School Girls: Young Women, Self-Esteem and the Confidence Gap," has turned her attention to women ages 25 to 45. She interviewed more than 200 of them about their lives for "Flux," in which she lays out the big questions and issues that women face today and how they appear to be answering and dealing with them.
Her assessment: Across every demographic, women are having more trouble than ever navigating the many and complex lifestyle choices before them. "Old patterns and expectations have broken down, but new ideas seem fragmentary, unrealistic and often contradictory," she writes. Disillusioned in their careers and frustrated by the glass ceiling, many women retreat to what Orenstein calls the narrow roles of "Perfect Wife and Good Mother."
According to "Flux," women in their 20s are living out the mixed messages they've received. "They've been told they can be anything they want to be, yet are also subtly pressured to choose' lower-paying, more flexible professions that would accommodate conventional motherhood," Orenstein writes. "They learn from a young age to be assertive professionally yet not to express their desires in relationships with men. They hold out an ideal of shared parenting but anticipate inequality. Beneath their New Woman personae, today's young women may actually be replicating their mothers' lives."
By their 30s, most women have internalized society's pressures and deadlines for marrying and motherhood, the author says. Those who remain achievement-oriented bemoan the lack of female role models at the top who manage to balance work and home and who have the time and inclination to be mentors. Decisions that women in this age group make about partnering, childbearing, work and how to strike the best balance between their needs for connection and achievement shape the course of their lives, Orenstein says.
The 40s bring women who've led traditional lives as stay-at-home moms to weigh what they have sacrificed in putting others' needs before their own and bring women who have focused on professional advancement to search for increased meaning and connection to others. Women who try to mix the two are mostly tired.
Orenstein paints several in-depth narrative portraits of women, including herself, whose lives illustrate common crossroads and turning points. But while she provides for racial diversity in her study, "Flux" lacks other types: The interviewees are college-educated and straight. Most live in urban areas on the coasts and appear to be upper-middle class; not too many women were from troubled family backgrounds, and there were no stories of raising kids with disabilities or attitudes. Profiles of some who missed the college train or who had difficult motherhood experiences could have deepened the book's assessment of the "half-changed world" to which the title refers.
The strength of "Flux" is the questions it bravely poses: How are young women responding to society's pressures to marry and have children? How do they feel about remaining single indefinitely, or not having kids? Can women balance career and motherhood and stay romantically connected to their husbands? How do women who are unmarried or childless create meaningful identities apart from traditional roles?
"Flux" is a fascinating look at "how daunting the obstacles still are for women in assembling the pieces of a satisfied life."
